Monday, September 28, 2009

A Wonderful Ending to a Horrible Day

What a gruesome night. Arguing and fighting is unbearable, and now my mind is even more disoriented. It never helps to argue when you are tired, it's just a hindrance. I couldn't sleep. My thoughts are murky; my mouth cheerless. These are the thoughts and feelings I woke with, and for much of the day they remained.

My day was beyond trying. The morning was unbelievably hectic, my brain was addled, I bit off all my fingernails, and a very unwelcome phone call put it over the edge. I'm not ready to talk to you yet...at all. I'm not four, I haven't forgiven you yet, I'm not coming home. All my anxiety and frustration manifested itself in a very surly disposition, bleak thoughts, and one tangled mess of a stomach. Still, through all of this frustration, pain, and just pissiness, somehow the day brightened.

There are key people in my life - they love, embrace, and would do anything for me. They showed me today how loving they are, how absolutely wonderful they can be. They pulled together and did something for me out of love (and a little bit of anger, hehe), and I don't know what to say. You put a smile on my face, you love me for me, and all of you are irreplaceable. You really have no idea the impact you had on me today; you made me speechless.

I couldn't get this song out of my head today. It's from one of my favorite "feeling" bands (you know those bands you just put on when you're in some mood...this is one of them), Blindside.

Cute Boring Love


She said what I was supposed to think
Thank God for freedom
Thank God for liberation
(she said) now we are allowed to think
Now we are allowed to feel lust without cute boring love

But dont you ever just like me
Long for purity
Dont you ever
Get sick of our territories

What are you so scared of sister
What made you so afraid to feel
To chose a stone cold liberation
The one thing I hate most about me
Is the one thing you want to make your trademark
To feel lust without cute boring love

But dont you ever just like me
Long for purity
Dont you ever
Get sick of our territories
Dont you ever feel like glass
Fragile, hurting, letting it pass
Dont you think its time to trespass

But when the fire is gone
Who are you?
What are you so scared of sister?
Im just as scared as you

I do think it's time to trespass. I am sick of my old territories. I am scared, but with all of this, I am loved. Thank you for loving.

No comments:

Post a Comment